Thursday, March 5, 2015

Care & Feeding of the ENFJ

ENFJ: The Giver

The thing to know about the ENFJ is that they are feeling everything around them, all the time. They are like human emotional barometers. INFJ is too, but in a different way, in that INFJ is also picking up all the other stuff in the environment and the world; ENFJ is pretty exclusively tuned to the feelings frequency. 

How this manifests is that ENFJ really wants you to be happy, and they will do whatever is needed to make you happy. This differs from people-pleasing, though, because it's about how it makes them feel to make you happy, not so much about trying to make you like them. It deeply satisfies ENFJ to provide emotional support, understanding, and practical help to the people they care about. 

This can feel very intense (even uncomfortable) to the less-feeling types, so if you're dating an ENFJ and are experiencing this, it is important to note that it isn't a burden for them to do this. You don't need to feel guilty about how much energy your ENFJ partner puts into your well-being. They are very concerned about you. They want you to succeed and they feel very confident that they can help you. They are the "teacher" types; how this manifests is that much more than they want to give a man a fish, they want to teach him to fish.

They also (although most probably aren't conscious of this) really need to be validated. They want to help you (truly) but they also want to know that you see and appreciate their help. You should be mindful of offering verbal recognition for the all of the love and support they give, and be careful not to neglect taking care of their needs as well. 

People are drawn to ENFJs. They exude an air of confidence and integrity and charisma. People believe them when they speak, and feel they can trust them to know and do what is best. They feel the ENFJ genuinely cares about them; people heavily rely on the ENFJs in their lives to support and empathize with them. And the ENFJ rises to this challenge with enthusiasm and grace and makes giving of themselves an art form that looks effortless. 

This is a good thing, right? 

Well. Kind of. Like anything, though, too much of a good thing...

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  1. I think it's good (as an ENFJ) to have my INTP husband say, on occasion, "What are you getting out of this?" when I'm fretting over a friend's business. It helps me sort out exactly WHY I'm all up in their shit. Because they asked? Because I feed off their happiness and everything else? Because I want them to succeed? Because I want to be praised for helping them? Why? And oftentimes when I start to get stressed about being over involved, it's because my underlying motives have switched from "I love them" to "I want to fix them/be responsible for their happiness/success/etc". And that's when I need someone who sees some things more clearly just ask the question. Because I can reflect on it and change But I get so caught up in the giving.