Intuitive Feeling Men

If you read "Care & Feeding of the Intuitive Feeler, Pt 1", you already know that the NF deeply desires connection. 

This is true for both women and men, although generally, NF energy (especially INFP and ENFP) could be considered feminine energy. I don't mean that male NFs are feminine, just that they innately have qualities typically assigned to femininity (e.g., nurturing, empathy). The thing about male NFs, though, is that oftentimes, they don't even know they're "feelings" types at all. They often find out only when their lives are in full crisis-mode. My theory on how this happens is that we socialize men to be tough, stoic, etc. We teach men that being "sensitive" (empathetic, emotional) is bad, that nice guys finish last, that crying is for girls. And so this often stifles the innate tendency of "sensitive" men to be present in their feelings, and to learn how to get their emotional needs met effectively and in a healthy way. 

Male NFs who are not in touch with their true natures are usually very unhappy. Imagine living fundamentally out of alignment with your true nature most of the time. It is a lot of work! They may be inclined to abuse drugs, alcohol, pornography, sex, or overeat (basically, anything to numb all the feelings). They may be selfish, cold partners, or they may just fake their way through their relationships never really feeling quite right. (*The one place they sometimes can feel safe being open and vulnerable is with their children, so they often take great pride in their fathering abilities and are remarkably good dads). If they don't have kids, they may often just put all of their energy into their careers, thinking this is just the way it is. Feeling silly that they have an ache, a longing, for something deeper. Walking around with all kinds of unnamable feelings they couldn't talk about anyway, because "men don't talk about" these things. Wondering vaguely why they are so unhappy, what is missing, is this all there is? 

The rest of this post can be found on my new blog: www.patreon.com/amymiller

My website: www.millercounseling.org