Thursday, October 22, 2015

I love you too much to have this conversation right now.

Advice of the day: 
For those of you inclined to lose your temper and lash out in anger at people you love, I'm going to offer you my most valuable piece of advice ever. I won't even charge you my standard rate for it, but you're welcome for potentially saving your marriage or relationship (or friendship, or whatever) from some unnecessary damage. It's definitely saved mine a time or two, because while I am definitely slow to anger, once I get there it can be ugly. 
So, when you are angry, and you feel yourself at that threshold beyond which you KNOW you're going to say a lot of shit you don't mean and/or should never say, instead form your mouth (or fingers, if god forbid it's via text) around these words immediately: 
"I love you too much to have this conversation right now." 
And step away. Or set the phone down. Or whatever you need to do. Wait until your heart slows, the shaking stops, your core temperature returns to normal, and you are once again able to think clearly. Then, think about why you reacted that way. What did the situation trigger for you? What were you feeling in that moment? Then, respond thoughtfully and with intention. Then, you can say, "The reason that made me angry was because _______" and go from there. 
Never, I repeat, never speak to someone you love when you're angry if you can possibly help it. It's okay to have conflict; sometimes conflict is necessary for growth, as painful as it can be. However, while it is okay to disagree or have conflict, it is not okay to be harmful. 
Practice so that this line enters your lexicon and becomes a reflexive response to anger: "I love you too much to have this conversation right now."

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