Thursday, October 22, 2015


Advice of the day: If you really want to know what or how someone is thinking or feeling, or you are wondering how you should interpret their behavior in the absence of clarity...before you jump to conclusions and risk harming the relationship, **just ask them**. 
Be direct. Be honest. Own your shit. Say "this is how that seemed to me; what did it mean to you?" and give them the opportunity to correct your interpretation if indeed you were mistaken. 
I almost always do this. It's taken practice, and sometimes I wait too long and things get messier than they need to, but overall my relationships are far stronger as a result. But you would be surprised how unusual it is. Very often, when people are complaining about someone, I'll ask "okay, did you tell them you felt that way?" and 9 times out of 10 the answer is no. WTF? How do you expect people to stop doing things you don't like or to start responding differently if you don't actually talk to them about it? 
I've said this before, but it bears repeating: PEOPLE CANNOT READ YOUR MIND. The very worst thing you can possibly do in a situation like that is to just draw your own conclusions, and behave as if your version is true. It usually is not.

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