Monday, March 24, 2014

Make No Assumptions.

“If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don't tell us something we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. Even if we hear something and we don't understand we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don't have the courage to ask questions.”
― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

Assumptions are what get us in trouble when communicating with the people we care about. It is SO IMPORTANT that we ask direct questions and actually tell the truth to each other. Otherwise, we invent a million possible scenarios to fill in the details we don't know. We project our own insecurities and worries and biases onto other people's behavior and presume to know what they mean or meant by a thing they did or said. And sometimes we even act as if we are right about what was in the heart of the other person, without actually finding out. But if we don't go to the source and ask for clarity around what we don't understand, how can we know what was truly meant? So often, relationships get destroyed, or friendships damaged, by the passive act of allowing silence. By permitting assumptions to replace investigation and curiosity, we close ourselves off from the sort of true connection that is born of authentic communication. Much can be gained by mustering the courage to ask and listen and be able to hear the truth from the other instead of inventing our own explanation that suits us.

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