Passive-Aggressive Behavior is the worst

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Please join us! :) 

Disclaimer: It is a subscription-based blog, but it's only $1/month (or $5-10 if you want allllll the content on the site). The idea behind this is that these posts are so popular that I could monetize them a tiny bit, because I have a 9 month old baby to feed, tbh. 

I'm an NF type like you, so I hope you realize I'm not trying to "trick" anybody into anything. So don't go read the rest if you feel some kind of way about me charging $1 a month or are going to send me a mean email about how I'm a sellout. But if you get the idea that people pay for good stuff, and you want high-quality daily advice delivered to your inbox, then check it out. Read a bunch of public posts before you subscribe if you'd like. NF types especially will like my format, I think. Thank you! :) 

New Class Ideas....

I'm considering adding some new classes, as well as adding an online video option for the classes I already teach so that people can learn this stuff with me from a distance. Let me know if you'd be interested in that latter thing or in these classes (if you're in STL)! 

Email me at amy@Millercounseling.org 

The class ideas: 

1) Shame, Vulnerability, & Intimacy (using Brene' Brown as a jumping off point)

2) Talking To Anxiety: How To Get Your Brain to STFU (practical strategies rooted in CBT on how to deal with anxiety outside of meds/therapy)

How To Pick A Therapist

This content has moved to our new blog home! Please come with us! www.patreon.com/amymiller

Disclaimer: It is a subscription-based blog, but it's only $1/month (or $5-10 if you want allllll the content on the site). The idea behind this is that these posts are so popular that I could monetize them a tiny bit, because I have a 9 month old baby to feed, tbh. 

I'm an NF type like you, so I hope you realize I'm not trying to "trick" anybody into anything. So don't go read the rest if you feel some kind of way about me charging $1 a month or are going to send me a mean email about how I'm a sellout. But if you get the idea that people pay for good stuff, and you want high-quality daily advice delivered to your inbox, then check it out. Read a bunch of public posts before you subscribe if you'd like. NF types especially will like my format, I think. Thank you! :) 

boundaries

This post has moved to its new home at: www.patreon.com/amymiller

Disclaimer: It is a subscription-based blog, but it's only $1/month (or $5-10 if you want allllll the content on the site). The idea behind this is that these posts are so popular that I could monetize them a tiny bit, because I have a 9 month old baby to feed, tbh. 

I'm an NF type like you, so I hope you realize I'm not trying to "trick" anybody into anything. So don't go read the rest if you feel some kind of way about me charging $1 a month or are going to send me a mean email about how I'm a sellout. But if you get the idea that people pay for good stuff, and you want high-quality daily advice delivered to your inbox, then check it out. Read a bunch of public posts before you subscribe if you'd like. NF types especially will like my format, I think. Thank you! :) 

the best words come from your mouth, not your fingers.

A client just informed me in no uncertain terms that Facebook is responsible for the downfall of human relationships. Agree or disagree?

Personally, I disagree, but then again, I don't use it for any drama-inducing and I don't carry on secret relationships with people I reconnected with on here. I think the real culprit is text messaging. It is virtually impossible to communicate clearly via text and yet we insist on carrying on deeply personal, important conversations this way. Text messaging allows us to heedlessly toss words at each other without taking proper time to craft what we are trying to say, as we would in a letter, and also costs us the option of managing our message in realtime as we see (or hear from inflection) how it is landing on the other person. There is so much room for error from both the sender and the receiver within the lack of nuance that I'm amazed any relationships survive that rely heavily on texting. I opine that the only real means to effectively communicate in a way that is productive, concise, and respectful is to speak to one another in real life. Preferably in person. One of my favorite quotes speaks to this notion: 

“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.” 
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

We will cover this and much more in the USE WORDS (aka Say What the F*** You Mean) class. Next session is Saturday, May 13th. Email me at amy@millercounseling.org for more information or to register.  

USE WORDS

It makes me sad when I have a couple that comes to me for counseling in crisis, when the relationship is already in its death throes. People come in seeking a panacea to all the years of damage to their relationship, but unfortunately, I am not a magician. Counseling cannot be a last ditch effort, because if one partner has already checked out, there are not enough hands on deck to do the work. 

The thing I can't really tell them, because it won't be helpful now, is this: your relationship probably could have been saved anytime before now, if only you had learned to really communicate with each other. Yes, I know that *everything* isn't about communication, but if you can't do that part, the other stuff is always going to fall apart. Conflict is a natural part of any intimate relationship, and to avoid it entirely is counterproductive. There will be times when you will be unhappy in your relationship or upset with something your partner is doing or not doing. But learning to do conflict well is a key function of communication. Being able to look at your partner's face and say "this is what I need" or "this is how i feel" is the fundamental building block of a strong relationship. This is a skill worth learning at any time; if nothing else, you'll know it for next time. 

So when a couple comes in and I can clearly see where their disconnect is and it is a glaring lack of understanding of one another's basic ways of being in the world, I will never tell them it's too late. Even while it's a long shot, I will take a deep breath and dive in and do my best. But to help them navigate the unfamiliar territories of vulnerability, honesty, intimacy, etc etc, when they've been living elsewhere for years, can be scary and difficult for them. It is amazing what people don't know about each other even after having been married for 5, 10, 15 years. So we start with communication. If I had a dollar for every time I say to a client "You have to actually USE WORDS", I would have enough dollars to go on a nice vacation. So my conclusion here is: learn to use words. If you're in a relationship, the best thing you can do is communicate authentically with your partner. If you're not in a relationship, practice with the other people in your life so that when you are, you will know how to do this. Relationships are always going to be challenging, but if you learn to communicate and to do conflict well, you're much better equipped to handle all the other stuff that will arise.

We will cover this and much more in the USE WORDS (aka Say What the F*** You Mean) class. Next session is Saturday, May 13th from 1-3 p.m.
 Email me at amy@millercounseling.org for more information or to register.  

How To Do Conflict Well (aka Don't be an A-hole)

I've been teaching classes/mini workshops lately regarding communication, because I believe it's the #1 most important aspect of a healthy relationship. One of the things I focus on is how to do conflict well. I want to clarify some things that may be keeping you from thinking you will benefit from such content! Several people have asked me this question:

**What does it mean when you say you're going to teach us how to "Do Conflict Well"? Isn't conflict bad and something to be avoided?**

The short answer is: conflict is not bad, and it needn't be feared, much less avoided. The primary purpose of the class is to reframe "conflict", moving it from "something to be feared/avoided" to simply "an issue to be resolved". The secondary purpose is to give practical tips and strategies for how to handle conflict when it inevitably arises, or how to start the conversations you need to have without fear of the conflict escalating. "A resolution everyone can live with" is the ultimate goal of any conflict, whether that resolution means setting it aside for a moment (or forever), or finding complete agreement, or compromising.

It may sound counterintuitive, but in fact, many healthy relationships contain a great deal of conflict. Any time you put strong personalities together, you're likely to have disagreements and reach impasses. My goal is to teach you how to do that gracefully, with respect and love, in such a way that your relationship is not damaged by it. In other words, how to do conflict well, and not be an a-hole.

The classes are interactive, but if you're a shy person, you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I'm (obviously) super informal, so you can kind of have an idea of what to expect based on how I write and speak in regular life. I have prepared a handout that we work from that includes 30 or so specific, practical tips & tools for fighting fairly.

Anyway, I just wanted to give some more background on that class because people who are unfamiliar with my counseling style may not be inclined to sign up for a class with me, but I promise you'll enjoy it and get something useful out of it. smile emoticon

Holler at me if you want more info or to enroll. Full pay required to hold spot, and class is capped at 8 people.

Email me at amy@millercounseling.org

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